I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
