fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you will always have a special place in my vag
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
