She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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