so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
