If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
