my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
