my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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