so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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