brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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