I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
