i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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