Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
