PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
