I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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