I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
