Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
