Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
