and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
