i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
