We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
