omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
