i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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