part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
