i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
