I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
