i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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