Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
