if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
