One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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