atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
