trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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