We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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