Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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