Too much gin, very little bucket
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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