hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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