She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
