Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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