mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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