Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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