he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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