That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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