Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she peed on how many people?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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