I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
