how do flat chested girls get laid?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
