I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
