Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
