apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
