It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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