woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
