YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
